WHAT YOUR DOCTOR SAYS: WHAT YOUR DOCTOR REALLY MEANS:
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"This should be taken "I'd planned a trip to Hawaii next
care of right away." month, but this is so easy and
profitable I want to fix it now
before it cures itself."
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"Wellll, what have "Since I haven't the foggiest notion
we here?" of what it is, I'm hoping you will
give me a clue."
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"We'll see." "First, I have to check my malpractice
insurance."
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"Let me check your "I want to see if you've paid your
medical history." last bill before spending any more
time with you."
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"Why don't we make "I'm playing golf this afternoon."
another appointment -or-
later in the week?" "I need the money, so I'm charging
you for another office visit."
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"I really can't recommend "I hate those guys mooching in on
seeing a chiropractor." our fees."
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"Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm." "Since I haven't the faintest idea
of what to do, I'm trying to appear
thoughtful while hoping the nurse
will interrupt.
(Proctologists say this a lot.)
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"We have some good news "The good news is I'm going to buy
and some bad news." that new BMW, and the bad news is
you're going to pay for it."
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"Let's see how it "Maybe in a few days it will grow
develops." into something that can be cured."
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"Let me schedule you for "I have a 40% interest in the lab."
some tests."
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"I'd like to have my "He's going through a messy divorce
associate look at you." and I lent him a small fortune."
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"How are we today?" "I feel great. You, on the other hand,
look like hell."
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"I'd like to prescribe a "I'm writing a paper and would like
new drug." to use you as a guinea pig."
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"If it doesn't clear up in "I don't know what the hell it is.
a week, give me a call." Maybe it will go away by itself."
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"That's quite a nasty "I think I'm going to throw up."
looking wound."
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"This may smart a little." "Last week, two patients bit through
their tongues."
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"Well, we're not feeling so "I can't remember your name, nor why
well today, are we?" you are here."
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"This should fix you up." "The drug salesman guaranteed that
it kills all symptoms."
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"Everything seems to be "I guess I can't buy that new beach
normal." condo after all."
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"I'd like to run some more "I can't figure out what's wrong.
tests." Maybe the kid in the lab can solve
this one."
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"Do you suppose all of this "I think you're crazy and maybe
stress could be affecting there's a psychiatrist around who
your nerves?" will split the fees."
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"Why don't you slip out of "I don't enjoy this any more than you
your things." do, but I've got to warm my fingers
up somehow."
-or-
"I haven't had a good laugh all day."
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"If those symptoms persist, "I've never heard of anything so
call for an appointment." disgusting. Thank God I'm off
next week."
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"There's a lot of that "My God, that's the third one this
going around." week. I'd better learn something
about this."
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