"Permission To Date My Daughter" Subject: Application for permission to date my daughter To: All If you're a father, and you have a daughter, please feel free to print this. Note: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, work history, lineage, and current medical report from your nerds. 1. Name: ________________________________________ DOB: ______________ 2. Height: __________ Weight: __________ I.Q.: __________ GPA: ___________ 3. SSAN: _______________ Bank Account #: _______________ PIN #: _________ 4. Highest Boy Scout Rank Attained? _________________________ Year Attained: __________ Troop Leader's Name: ______________________ 5. Home Address: _______________________________________________ Telephone: ___________________ E-mail Address: ____________________ 6. Do you have one MALE and one FEMALE parent? __________________________ If no, explain: ________________________________________________ 7. Do you own... A van? _____ A motorcycle? _____ Truck with over sized tires? ______ Waterbed? _____ Do you have an earring? _____ Nose ring? _____ Belly button ring? _____ (Note: if the answer is YES to any part of Question 7, discontinue application and leave premises.) 8. What is your favorite pop song? A: "My Eyes Adored You" - Frankie Valli B: "Chevy Van" - Sammy Johns C: "Rockin' Into the Night" - .38 Special D: "You Shook Me All Night Long" - AC/DC E: "She's My Cherry Pie" - Poison (Note: if the answer is other than "A" to Question 8, discontinue application and leave premises.) 9. In 50 words or less, what does LATE mean to you? _______________________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________ 10. In 50 words or less, what does DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER mean to you? _______________________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________ 11. In 50 words or less, what does ABSTINENCE mean to you? _______________________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________ 12. Church attended? _________________________ How often? _________________ 13. When would be the best time to interview your... Mother? __________ Father? __________ Pastor/Priest? __________ 14. Answer the following section by filling in the blank. Please answer freely...all answers are confidential. (That means that I won't share with other fathers...unless provoked!) A: If I were shot, the last place on my body I would want to be wounded is my: ________________________________________________ B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my: ________________________________________________ C: A woman's place is in the: ________________________________________________ D: The one thing I hope this application doesn't do is: _______________________________________________________________________________________ E: When I meet a girl, the first thing I notice is her: ______________________________ (Note: If the above answer starts with "T" or "A" discontinue application and leave premises, keeping low to the ground in a serpentine fashion.) 15. What do you want to be IF you grow up? ________________________________________________ I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE, UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, HILLARY CLINTON/JANET RENO KISS TORTURE, AND RIP-THE- STEREO-FROM-MY-CAR TORTURE. ___________________________________ Signature (That means sign your name!) Thank you for your interest. Please allow four to six years for processing. You will be notified in writing if you are approved. Please do not attempt to call or write...it will only delay the process. For office use only: File _____ Destroy _____ Kill _____.